Now let me start by saying that I haven't written this post to be some kind of "magical cure", because I know there is no such thing. Change happens in our lives when WE decide to make it happen.
Fact.
I just felt like I should share a bit of my own story with you, and a few ways that have helped me be more content in my life. Especially when I've been feeling frustrated or things aren't going how I wish them too. Can you relate to that?
I'm opening myself up now here folks because I'm about to highlight just how impatient I can be sometimes. For example, when I was single I wanted to find my life partner, when I was unwell with my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) I wanted to be active again, and each time I've been unemployed I've wanted the perfect job to come along immediately.
Now there was nothing wrong with me wanting these things (apart from maybe expecting the perfect job!), because it's normal and healthy to have aspirations in life. But what I had to learn the hard way, was that putting all my focus into wanting those things only robbed me of the life experiences at those present times.
As I learned to be content in each of those times, I found joy and felt more like myself again.
So I've put together a list of 3 ways that help me to centre myself again so I can focus on what is important, and hopefully you will find it helpful too! Believe me when I say that even though this list is short, I find it incredibly challenging because for me personally I really do struggle with living in the moment.
Here's the list:
1. Accept the situation you're in
2. Make the most of now
3. Write a list of all the good things in your life
They sound simple right?
But when you really think about them, they require you to dig deep, search your pride and challenge you to make a change. It can be incredibly difficult to change your thought process and alter your mood to a more positive one. Particularly if you're going through a hard time in your life.
If this is you right now, I really feel for you because it is tough to get through those days especially when they seem to drag on forever. I had some really dark days with my CFS and I remember it feeling like it was never going to end. But it did, and even though I still struggle with low energy and tiredness I have made huge improvements. So I want you to be encouraged and know that the difficult times will not last forever!
I hope that these 3 steps will help you to re-focus and help you be more content through whatever stage of life you're going through at the moment.
Let's get more into them...
1. Accept the situation you're in
We live in a world where we want everything immediately, and because of that we are constantly looking to the next thing. When you get drawn into this and always want something else "now", it sucks the enjoyment and appreciation out of what you already own or are experiencing. If you're going through a trialing time then it can be hard to accept your situation, and will most likely be a process not a sudden epiphany. Take some time each day to do the following..
STOP your current thoughts,
REFLECT on what is going on in your life right now, and
ACCEPT that you cannot change the situation.
I mentioned earlier that one of the stages in my life I found hard to be content with most was being single. I remember being fixated on finding my future husband, and I'm ashamed to say that this went on for years. I kept thinking that as my Mum had married my Dad when she was 25, then that should be the case for me too. Seeing many people I knew get engaged and married only increased this longing. Questions like "Will I ever get married?", "Why doesn't anyone I like feel the same about me?" and "Am I not good enough?" were a common occurrence and reveal just how insecure I was.
The turning point came when one day I had a sudden news flash about the person I had become and I didn't like her one bit! I spent some time reflecting with time in prayer with God, and a peace filled my mind and heart which led me to contentment. After that I was able to fully enjoy the freedom that being single brought without any negative feelings at all. Did I still desire a husband to spend my life with? Yes. But it didn't consume me like it did before.
Less than a month later that I decided to join the Christian Mingle dating website on a whim, and within a couple of weeks I started talking to this guy called Ben. The rest they say, is history!
I'd like you to keep in mind though that just because we accept our present circumstances, it doesn't always mean that we then get what we're longing for. But by allowing yourself to accept what's happening in the present then frees you from the obsessive worrying of the future, and is one of the first steps to being more content with life.
2. Make the most of now
I'm going to start this bit off with another story.
Part of my CFS recovery included seeing an acupuncturist, and during the three years of sessions with her she offered various helpful comments and bits of advice. One of these was something that she used to say at least two times each session, and has therefore stayed with me ever since!
She said quite simply,
"Just relax, and enjoy."
I wanted to share that with you because I think it's quite relevant here. It is such a good encouragement in being kind to yourself and relishing what is happening in your life right now.
Whatever stage you are in at the moment be it singleness, unemployment, marriage, loss of a loved one, a new baby, make the most of it because you will never get the chance to learn from those particular times in your life again. Each time something different happens in your life it's another opportunity for new experiences and more knowledge.
For example, before I met Ben I realised that I would never get that time to myself back or to be able to spend time doing the things that were available to me during that stage of my life. As soon as I made that realisation, I was able to fully embrace and enjoy my singleness like I talked about above. I made the most of it by focusing on being there for my friends, doing the things that I wanted to do and making sure I was getting the most out of the places available to me right then and there.
Similarly, during the time when my CFS was at it's worst I wasn't able to serve and help others, which is something that I love to do. Being bed or sofa bound all the time with no strength to do even the smallest task meant I was pretty much completely limited in what I was able to do. This caused me a great deal of sadness and I got incredibly frustrated on many occasions. One day I stopped and thought to myself that I knew all the things that I couldn't do, but what was something that I COULD do? I came up with something really simple, which involved me not moving at all.
Prayer.
Even though I wasn't able to physically support people, I was able to support them spiritually. Through coming to this conclusion I was able to make the most of my situation and to understand the value of prayer even more. That's something I wouldn't have learned if I didn't have that experience.
I was only able to comprehend these things through my faith in God and He deserves all credit for that in my eyes. For you, it may be your own faith, friends and family or something completely different!
By making the most that your current circumstances offer you right now is a big step towards contentment.
3. Write a list of all the good things in your life
This is as simple as it sounds. Grab a piece of paper or a notebook and a pen, and make a list of things that make you happy and that you are thankful for in your life. It may be hard to begin with, but once you get going you'll probably be surprised at how many you come up with!
It doesn't matter how small or how big each thing is. This is YOUR list, so it will be unique to YOU, and that's ok. Put your list in a place where you will see it everyday and you could even share it with your partner, good friend or family member so they can prompt you to go back to the list if you lose focus.
By writing these things down you will have a physical reminder that you can see, which will help re-centre you and remind you of what is important in your life right now. From time to time it may be helpful to make a new list as circumstances in your life change.
Here is an example of what the beginnings of a list would look like for me in my current stage of life:
- My loving, supportive husband.
- Having the means to talk to him whilst he's away.
- Knowing friends and family are there for me.
- A slow, peaceful pace of life.
- Being financially stable.
- Seeing so much sun (even though it's very hot a lot of the time).
- Having the energy to do daily tasks.
... and so on! I's definitely not an exhaustive list, but I hope that gets your mind churning on what could be on yours.
This is a good ongoing way where you can help yourself to be more content.
I had a strong feeling that I should write a post like this and share it, so I hope you've been able to take something away and found it useful.
Take care of yourselves,
Kathryn.
Note: This post is for advisory purposes only. I am not a doctor or a counselor, nor do I claim this information to be a cure for anything. If there are aspects of your life where you are really struggling, then please seek help from a trusted friend/family member and a trained professional.